"Let's Play Doctor​!​"

by Bob Blake

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    "Let's Play Doctor!" is a spoof on the medical profession. It also pokes fun at the musical comedy as an art form. Act One is a FROLIC. Act Two is a FABLE. When the show was produced back in 1972, it was fun from start to finish. We recorded this album to remember the experience, and now it's your turn to enjoy it. Happy listening!
    ---Bob Blake, June, 2014
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1.
Prologue / All in the Name of Health and Happiness 03:23
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MRS. CALDWELL: Now doctor I don't mean to impose But there's a wart right here on my nose And I have painful, blistery hands There must be something wrong with my glands Do what's necessary But better hurry Or you'll read my obituary! So doctor, doctor do your thing PATIENTS: Doctor, doctor, do your thing! Now I don't mean to cause you alarm But there's a rash all over my arm I have a fever sore on my lip Which means I must be catching the grippe Be what you profess to be Do your best to me Now before it gets the rest of me! Doctor, doctor, do your thing! DOCTORS: Two of these, seven times a day Lots of liquids and try to stay Home in bed and it will go away Maybe in a month or two! WAITRESSES: Protein, iron, vitamin A Niacin and calcium on special today A pinch of riboflavin for your curds and whey Are you ready to order? CUSTOMERS: Hey, lady, now what's with the service here? I've been waiting for twenty minutes Take my order right away And better hurry or Don't expect any tip! ALL: Because it's All in the name of health and All in the name of health and ALL IN THE NAME OF HEALTH AND HAPPINESS!
2.
Let's Play Doctor! 03:35
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MELODIE: Everybody has a favorite hobby Dreaming is mine But my dreams just linger in the lobby Waiting in line None of them, not one of them Has seen the light of day People may say "Drop it, stop it, go away!" If you've ever hungered for a past time Here's one that's free When you find you're living on your last dime Try this remedy Doctor up reality--invent your own somehow Nurse it, gild it, shape it, build it Just play doctor, must play doctor Let's Play Doctor now! JOHN: She goes through the day Doing what she's supposed to Living ever so close to But never a part of Then when they're away She softly tiptoes to Pursue what she chose to Giving her most to the art of Medicine! Look what state her head is in Preoccupied with medicine Her dream of playing doctor Has off her rocker knocked her What's more I think I've got it, too! MELODIE: I'm drugged! I'm woozy! Some beggars can be choosy Addicted! Afflicted! There's nothing I can do! What's more, I think he's got it, too! BOTH: Everybody has a favorite hobby, etc.
3.
The Med Biz 02:47
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TOMMY: Oh, the wonders of medical science Be it known every doctor's a modern day saint For he has to put up with his clients And pretend that he cares about every complaint Broken jaws and twisted ankles Fractured bones and palates cleft Sneezes, wheezes, coughs and Jesus Millions more grotesque diseases! By the time my patients leave I have no patience left! Give 'em pills to make 'em happy Give 'em pills and watch 'em soar Get the cash but make it snappy Send them home to take a nappy Follow this prescription and You'll find them back for more Hide away? How I'd love to do so And live like Robinson Crusoe What I say isn't really true I'm only "Hippocrateasing" you, so Speak no ill of this profession Question not authority Though we work with due discretion Really it's a false impression Nature does the curing, yes, But we collect the fee! We collect the fee MELODIE: I'm drugged! I'm woozy! Some beggars can be choosy Addicted! Afflicted! There's nothing I can do What's more I think he knows it, too TOMMY: Look what state her head is in Preoccupied with medicine Her dream of playing doctor Has off her rocker knocked her What's more, I think she knows it, too LORRAINE, SALLY, MARIANNE: Broken jaws and twisted ankles Fractured bones and palates cleft Sneezes, wheezes, coughs and Jesus Millions more grotesque diseases Nature does the curing, yes, But we collect the fee! We collect the fee
4.
This Evening 02:54
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Who's that girl I think I see? I think he's staring straight at me! Is he/she really real or just a daydream? Meet him, how can I contrive it? Meet her, how will I survive it? Maybe if she drops her hanky It might lead to hanky-panky! Oh, what shall I say to her? Oh, say whatever you prefer! I beg your pardon, you look familiar Have we met before? Or could you be the girl/boy next door? I'd really like to see you more Perhaps this evening?
5.
I'm to You 03:11
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ALICE: No matter what they say about the S.A.T.s There's one part that is better than the rest My favorite is the verbal analogies And so I've sort of put them "to the test!" I'm to you What ocean is to sailor What Burton is to Taylor What Norman is to Mailer I'm to you And you're the only one I'd say this to I'm to you What dinner is to Swanson What shaver is to Ronson TOMMY: What Masters is to Johnson! ALICE: I'm to you I hope you feel the same about it, too TOMMY: The S.A.T.s are very pleasing, I agree I never really noticed it before So now I find what's on my mind will always be Expressed its best in any test for sure I'm to you What Santa is to jolly What Lassie is to collie What Salvadore is to Dali (Golly!) I'm to you And every single thing I say is true I'm to you What Hollywood is to movie What scoobie is to doobie What pizza's to anchoovy (Groovy!) I'm to you No matter what you say or think or do CHORUS OF NOBODIES: I'm to you What chicken is to noodle What Yankee is to Doodle What apple is to strudel I'm to you From now until forever I'll be true I'm to you What Minnie is to Mickey What tricky is to Dickie What washy is to tickey I'm to you And you're the only one I'd say this to
6.
I'm in Love! 00:41
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I'm in love! Oh, I'm in love! It's too good to be true! I'm in love! Oh, I'm in love! Yes, I'm in love with you!
7.
The Canned Food Drive Song 02:57
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THE CANNED FOOD DRIVERS: What's that? Groceries! Groceries? Yes, well, actually, These are cans of food For THE CANNED FOOD DRIVE! (Dialogue) Show that you have some drive We've got a goal, so help strive Help keep some person alive Give to the Canned Food Drive You're persona non grata If you haven't got a A can of tomata A can of tomata to spare So dig in your closets And bring your deposits To us now because it's So wonderful to share (Dialogue) Fruit cocktail, fancy albacore, Beans tomatoes and chicken gumbo Creme de mushroom, creme de vegetable, Campbell's, Alpo or Heinz We've even got blubber Jonah and Moby Dick brands And a fruit cake from last Christmas Gee, I didn't even know it came in cans! Beg, borrow or steal Nobody will squeak Make this a really big deal! Move your cans (right-left-right) Move your cans (right-left-right) Get them to the Canned Food Drive! Make sure it has a label Or we will not be able To tell what kind of goodies are inside!
8.
Letter of Acceptance 03:03
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FAMOUS DOCTORS SCHOOL BOARD: Dear Miss Melodie Layne Thank you very much for applying to The Famous Doctors School After a great many hours of Meticulous deliber- Scrutinous examin- Scrupulous consider- Ation, we, the members of the Famous Doctors School Board of Admissions Have, at long last, Been able to arrive at a decision Regarding your application As you probably know We receive many applications But unfortunately, unfortunately, We only have available Vacancies for a select few However, however, It seems that the general Consensus of opinion, so to speak, is such that We should like to thus inform you of the fact that By and large, in a sense, as it were, So to speak, in effect and for All intents, for all intents and purposes We have decided, we have decided To admit you to our school! Best wishes, Sincerely yours
9.
Goodbye, Melodie! (Finale-Act 1) 04:17
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CUSTOMERS: We're gonna miss you, Melodie dear It's been so nice just having you near, here This is your home away from home And don't forget it Why did you have to choose to set out and roam You'll regret it We hope you find a happy career But if you don't, well then it's clear we're Waiting night and day For you to come back and say, "What is your order, please?" I'll have a ham and cheese Oh Mel, you're such a tease Oh say you will stay Oh Mel, why must you go away? MELODIE: I'm gonna miss you also, I fear It's been so nice just having you near, here This is my home away from home I won't forget it But there comes a time when you must Set out and roam I hope I find a happy career (She hopes she finds a happy career!) But if I don't then I'll appear here Waiting night and day For you know I love to say, "What is your order, please?" (I'll have a ham and cheese) It's true I aim to please But no I can't stay Because I've got to go away!
10.
Till Y-O-U Stepped In 03:27
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LORRAINE, SALLY, MARIANNE: Messed up! Sick! Insane! Mad! Corrupt! Dumb! No brain! Sad! So sweet! Like Cain, bad! I think it's my obligation to tell you That you ought to be under the care Of a well-trained shrinko And it's time you stopped running around Making believe you know what you're doing And talking like a commie pinko Listen, baby, you stinko! Everything was simply A-O-K TILL Y-O-U STEPPED IN Now instead of bring dejeuner The only thing you bring us is a rainy day someday better beware, You're gonna get what coming to you Better get out of our hair Your resignation's way overdue If you linger here longer We're gonna kick you right in the shin! Everything was simply A-O-K TILL Y-O-U STEPPED IN! Everything was simply oh-so-nice Till you-know-who appeared You destroyed our little paradise And baby, now you're gonna have to pay the price Oh, that innocent smile But we know well what's hidden beneath Oh, that sugary style, Well, it's enough to rot your teeth! Always looking so cheerful Well, let me tell you, sweetie, you're weird! Everything was simply oh-so-nice Till you-know-who appeared! "You can do anything you try" So I've heard it said often "He can do it, so why can't I?" Learn to follow the rules "Love is giving to charity" Stuff yourself in a coffin! "Oh, Mankind, will you marry me?" Lock her up and then run! It's all baloney! (She's concealed it!) She's just a phony! (We've revealed it!) Her eyes aren't diamonds, they're paste Her clothes show a lack of good taste! Her mind is a bundle of waste! Her laughter is really two-faced! If you have a heart Depart before the day's out! Everything was simply A-O-K TILL Y-O-U STEPPED IN Now if only you would go away Just take a happy, never-ending holiday You've been working too hard It's time you took a vacation or three Why not send us a card To say you're staying permanently? It's been a pleasure to know you You'll never know what a pleasure it's been! Everything was simply A-O-K TILL Y-O-U STEPPED IN Stepped in Till Y-O-U, Y-O-U, Why, oh why, oh why oh you? Y-O-U stepped in!
11.
Waiting 02:28
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JOHN: Small talk and solitaire A yawn and a sigh Smoking a cigarette Swatting a fly Watching each day Take all day to pass by WAITING and waiting Wish I knew why Boredom, anxiety, Impatience and rage Glancing at magazines Turning the page Nothing to do but just Sit there and age Sitting and WAITING Trapped in a cage Open the door! Find something more! A world of excitement and life Things to laugh about Imagine, try, learn, discover, Share, touch, hear, feel, Taste, see and love Small talk and solitaire A yawn and a sigh Smoking a cigarette Swatting a fly Watching each day Take all day to pass by WAITING and waiting Wish I knew why The world won't sit WAITING Neither will I
12.
Munching the Peanuts of Life 02:47
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ALICE: I'm looking over the Menu of Life Between you and me, I like what I see But under the stress, I exclaim "S.O.S.!" For I have to confess that I find That with all this perusing and choosing I'm losing my mind! I want to fluff the pillow of passion I want to pluck the feathers of chance I want to nibble the cookie of reason And season the steak of romance! I was to chew the chocolate of splendor I was to churn the butter of bliss Give me permission to add in addition To all that I've mentioned above I want to munch the peanuts of life And sip the soda of love! I want to tweak the nose of good fortune I want to quaff the nectar of health I want to peel the banana of rapture And capture the weasel of wealth I want to toast the waffle of comfort I want to pop the bubbles of glee If you've been listenin' something is missin' in All that I've mentioned above I want to munch the peanuts of life And sip the soda of love! I'm analyzing the Menu of Life I'm ill with the thrill of a yen How appetizing is the Menu of Life! And when I get through, I"ll review it again! I want to pull the taffy of pleasure I want to pinch the cheek of finesse I want to wiggle the toes of rejoicin' And moisten the soil of success I want to slurp the soup of temptation I want to salt the pretzel of spunk I've a suspicion, a slight premonition I made an omission above I want to much the peanuts of life And sip the soda of love I want to munch the peanuts of life And sip the soda of love!
13.
Munching the Peanuts of Life (Reprise) 01:16
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14.
Wishful Thinking 01:40
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15.
Moment of Truth 05:37
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MELODIE: Music, I heard music So I thought I was singing a song But the tempo wasn't clear to me And I had the rhythm wrong Was I really singing all along? JOHN: Lyrics, there were lyrics And the words seemed fitting at first But the rhyme began to disappear And the verses were reversed I wasn't very well rehearsed MELODIE & JOHN: Now the music has spirit! Now the lyric has rhyme! I was just trying to hear it All the time! Love is simply music That has found its way to your heart But the lyric must be somewhere Deep inside you from the start That's how it has to be Now's the chance to set it free I think I've found my melody! MELODIE & JOHN, MRS. DINGLE & DR. BENNETT: Now the music has spirit! Now the lyric has rhyme! I was just trying to hear it All the time! add TOMMY & ALICE: Love is simply music That has found its way to your heart But the lyric must be somewhere Deep inside you from the start GIRL & BOY PATIENTS: That's how it's always been Like a voice from within Now let the song begin! CHORUS: Music, I heard music, etc.
16.
Let's Play Doctor! (Reprise) 01:24
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THE COMPANY: Everybody has a favorite hobby Dreaming is mine But my dreams just linger in the lobby Waiting in line None of them, not one of them Has seen the light of day People may say "Drop it, stop it, go away!" If you've ever hungered for a pastime Here's one that's free When you find you're living on your last dime Try this remedy "Doctor up" reality-- Invent your own somehow Nurse it, gild it, shape it, build it Just play doctor Must play doctor LET'S PLAY DOCTOR now!

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released May 12, 2014

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Bobby in the Lobby! Philadelphia, Pennsylvania

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